The hidden pain of 'banksying' and the path to recovery
The dating world is filled with terms that mirror the attachment struggles of the youth. Just as you grasp the concept of 'ghosting' (sudden communication cutoff) and 'love bombing' (excessive affection early in a relationship), a new term emerges: 'banksying'. Named after the enigmatic artist Banksy, this term describes a stealthy and hurtful way to end a relationship.
Banksying is when someone gradually withdraws from a relationship, eventually disappearing without a trace, much like Banksy's art. It's a toxic twist on ghosting, impacting couples at various stages of their journey. Mumbai psychologist Ayushi Kenia explains, 'Banksying is an avoidant breakup strategy where one person secretly plans to exit the relationship.'
The psychological impact can be jarring, especially for the unsuspecting partner. Jenisha Shah, another Mumbai psychologist, notes that the confusing nature of banksying can leave the recipient shocked. 'There might be subtle signs, but they aren't clear indicators of an impending breakup,' she says.
This tactic allows the initiator to emotionally detach before the breakup, avoiding difficult conversations and accountability. Kenia points out, 'Banksying reveals more about the initiator's mental health struggles.' However, it leaves the other person in a state of confusion and self-doubt, without the opportunity for closure. 'They may blame themselves and struggle to trust in future relationships,' Kenia adds.
But how can you spot the signs of an impending banksy?
While predicting behavior is tricky, there are clues. For instance, frequent vague responses to your plans, like 'Let's see' or 'I'm not sure.' Or, they increasingly spend time with friends without you, which, according to Shah, is a red flag if it happens often. Another warning sign is when your partner avoids deep conversations about their personal life, family, or friends, preferring shallow talk.
Kenia suggests that setting sudden boundaries, like 'Don't call me at night' or 'Don't ask where I am,' can also be a red flag. These behaviors may indicate psychological vulnerabilities and unresolved issues in the initiator.
And what if you've been banksyed?
Seeking psychotherapy is recommended. Kenia acknowledges that it's not an easy step, given the trust issues and emotional processing required after such an experience. However, therapy provides a safe space for healing and understanding.
So, is banksying just a modern term for a classic fade-out?
Perhaps, but it's a term that highlights the emotional complexities of contemporary relationships. It begs the question: In an era of instant communication, why do people choose to disappear rather than face the music? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
