Imagine enduring 15 heartbreaking IVF attempts before finally holding your baby—only to return for a second child. It's a testament to unwavering hope, but what if the real secret to success isn't just science, but your mindset?
At 42, a determined Mumbai-based entrepreneur is embarking on her IVF journey once more, aiming to become a mother for the second time. IVF, short for in-vitro fertilization, involves combining a couple's eggs and sperm in a lab setting before gently placing the resulting embryo into the uterus to develop. She had already surpassed 35 when, after those grueling 15 unsuccessful rounds, she welcomed her first child. It was a ride filled with emotional highs and lows, pushing her to her limits. "I've equipped myself better this time," she shared with Dr. Anjali Malpani, a renowned infertility expert and emeritus professor in gynecology and obstetrics at Mumbai's KEM Hospital. "I realize what worked before might not apply now, but here I am at your clinic, ready to try again," she added.
Dr. Malpani views her as a shining example of countless women who persist through repeated disappointments, proving that emotional coaching and therapy play just as crucial a role as medical steps in achieving pregnancy. "I've witnessed patients who become pregnant effortlessly by adopting the right mental attitude, even when nothing physical changes," Dr. Malpani explains. She's also observed how breaks can rejuvenate spirits and finances—think planning a getaway or setting aside funds for future tries. This time, they'll use a frozen embryo for the businesswoman, saving her from the egg retrieval process. Dr. Malpani has treated patients from far-flung places like the UK, US, Dubai, and even remote Indian villages, all seeking solutions after multiple setbacks.
Celebrities like director Farah Khan have openly discussed the agony of failed cycles, often leaving out how to overcome it. "That just builds unnecessary fear for others going through it," notes Dr. Malpani. But here's where it gets controversial: Is the emphasis on mental health overshadowing the scientific aspects, or is it the missing link that clinics should prioritize more?
Dr. Malpani, who dubs herself a 'mentalist' in this context, dedicates one to two hours per patient, mostly to build emotional resilience. She breaks down the procedures, clarifies expectations, and reminds everyone that success isn't guaranteed on the first try—especially after age 35, where chances hover around 50% for conception. "Luck favors the persistent," she says, "with about a 35% success rate in the initial attempt, rising to 80% after four goes. Online stats are misleading because every woman's body is unique; the focus should be on believing you can nurture a pregnancy. A positive outlook, combined with practical steps like short vacations, enjoying street food with your partner, and viewing me as a counselor rather than just a doctor, can significantly boost odds."
Patients grapple with intense feelings post-failure: sorrow, despair, self-blame, frustration with partners or family, and eventually, acceptance. Medically, adjustments like altering protocols, tweaking medications, reviewing tests, or even exploring donor options are common. "Never label a cycle as a 'failure'—call it progress," Dr. Malpani advises. "Doctors must affirm their patients' paths, help them manage costs, and reinforce that they're gearing up for full-term pregnancy." Her support groups allow sharing of experiences, fostering community.
Take the story of the businesswoman: On her first visit after those 15 tries, she was moody and pessimistic. Dr. Malpani refused to proceed with scans until she smiled genuinely. After a break to process her emotions and focus on wellness, she returned composed—and conceived that cycle. Dr. Malpani recommends one to two months off between attempts.
Hormone shots before egg collection can cause mood swings, so she lightens the mood: "Steer clear of your spouse or in-laws if you're feeling explosive," she jokes with patients.
Dr. Sarah Zaidi, a leading infertility specialist at Indira IVF in Mumbai's Dadar area, recalls a pair who spiraled into negativity after two failed tests. "They wondered why they were struggling alone," she says. "I reframed it as steps forward. By affirming daily that she'd succeed on the third try, she did—just three months later." Partner involvement matters too; Dr. Zaidi shares a tale of a woman on her 12th cycle, supported meticulously by her husband through every detail, which kept her motivated. Yet, some women navigate alone, with partners merely providing samples.
And this is the part most people miss: Why do IVF cycles sometimes fail?
Common culprits include subpar egg quality, sperm issues, problems with embryo growth, failed implantation, hormone imbalances, womb irregularities, or conditions like endometriosis or PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome, where ovaries produce too many cysts, disrupting hormones). For instance, recurrent implantation failure (RIF)—pregnancy not occurring after three-plus IVF rounds with healthy embryos—is frequent. Dr. Zaidi treated an IT couple from BKC who had endured 10 failures at ages 44 and 45. An untreated infection caused a fluid buildup in her fallopian tubes (hydrosalpinx), blocking implantation. Surgery cleared it, leading to conception.
To simplify, Dr. Zaidi compares it to gardening: Eggs are seeds, the uterus is soil, and the body's defenses—like immunity or fibroids—act as the environment. Sometimes, embryos have genetic flaws, and nature discards them naturally. Pre-implantation genetic testing (PGT) screens for normal embryos, revealing why a patient with plenty of eggs still failed six cycles—90% had errors. Occasionally, treatments like immunotherapy are needed to calm an overactive immune response preventing attachment.
Financing is key too. Dr. Malpani offers discounted plans and flexible payments. While standard insurance often excludes IVF, specialized policies now include fertility coverage, add-ons to maternity plans, easy EMIs, interest-free loans, and cashless options for select cycles.
Ultimately, the bond between doctor and couple is vital. "Your clinic should be a judgment-free space for any question, no matter how basic," says Dr. Malpani. "A top lab is essential, and choosing wisely means experts can tailor fixes after setbacks." But is mental preparation truly the game-changer, or does it distract from medical innovations? And what about the ethics of pushing women to 'stay positive' when biology is complex?
What do you think? Have you or someone you know faced IVF challenges? Does focusing on mindset resonate with you, or do you believe it's more about science? Share your views in the comments—we'd love to hear differing perspectives and spark a conversation!
