Prepare for a mind-boggling revelation: the concept of 'holiday regression' is not just a myth! It's a real phenomenon that many of us experience when we return home for the holidays, and it's time to delve into why this happens and how we can navigate it.
Imagine stepping back into your childhood home, surrounded by familiar faces and memories. It's a warm and cozy feeling, but beneath the surface, there's a hidden challenge. Some mental health experts refer to this as 'holiday regression,' and it's a fascinating (and often frustrating) journey back into our past selves.
Alex Iacovitti, a marriage and family therapist, sheds light on this phenomenon. According to Iacovitti, "We develop our sense of self within our family system." When we return home, we slip back into old roles and dynamics, and this can trigger a range of emotions and behaviors, especially anxiety.
But here's where it gets controversial: is it normal to feel like a child again when we're with our families? Absolutely, says Iacovitti. It's a natural response to the environment we grew up in. However, this regression can lead to stress and even a 'fight or flight' response, causing us to act like teenagers once more.
Take Liz Coin, a 28-year-old actor and comedian. She loves spending time with her family during the holidays, but she notices a change in her behavior. Her temper shortens, and she finds herself acting like an angsty teen, even getting onto "teenager-type soap boxes" over topics like AI.
And this is the part most people miss: holiday regression can make us doubt our adult capabilities. Coin admits to asking her parents for permission to do things, feeling like a child again. It's a common experience, and one that many of us can relate to.
Lauren Hyland, a 34-year-old mindset coach, shares a similar story. She visits her family in Florida with her own husband and children, and while she values the quality time, she's had to set boundaries to protect her adult sense of self. Hyland had to assert her parenting style, something she might not have done as a child.
But here's the silver lining: addressing these issues head-on can lead to deeper, more meaningful relationships. Hyland's tough moment with a family member turned into a "great conversation," and she believes that being calm and neutral can help grow these relationships beyond the foundational stage.
Iacovitti emphasizes the importance of 'co-regulation,' or leaning on a partner or friend for support during these challenging times. It's a powerful tool to help us navigate the turmoil of the holidays.
So, how can we prepare for and manage holiday regression? Iacovitti suggests mental preparation and empathy. It's about understanding that our bodies and minds will react to the environment, and reframing negative messages from family members as coming from their own pain, not our shortcomings.
Hyland adds that feeling like we're regressing is not a sign of immaturity. It's simply a memory stored in our bodies, and we have the power to change and adapt these dynamics.
So, the next time you head home for the holidays, remember: it's okay to feel a little lost. You're not alone, and with the right tools and mindset, you can navigate these challenges and emerge stronger on the other side.
What are your thoughts on holiday regression? Have you experienced this phenomenon? Share your stories and let's start a conversation!
